The Buddha

I have bought a Buddha. I don't know why, the idea just came to me. It seemed like a nice addition among the bamboo and palms. Little fella, about a foot tall.

It was a smooth transaction - we nipped off to the local stone statue place and there among the lions and snails and gnomes was the Buddha enclave. All shapes and sizes, some fat, some a bit thinner with four arms and curly hair. The fat one looked the cutest and he was smiling, which has to be a good sign.

Got home, dumped him in the garden, went to the pub, pleased as punch.

And that was where I learned the sinister truth. You don't just buy a Buddha. You are supposed to be given a Buddha, and it has to come from a special place, like a Tibetan monastry, where he will be blessed and bring you good fortune. It will also make sure he doesn't being the 10,000 evil spirits into your home that an unblessed Buddha bought from the local stone statue place will carry with it.

Dave knows. He bought a Buddha and two days later his girlfriend had a scooter accident. That was 10 months ago. She is still on crutches. They got rid of the Buddha.

This was serious stuff. How could I have been so stupid? It made sense, I hadn't just bought a piece of stone, I had bought an effigy, an image incarnate of the great Buddha, revered and worshipped the world over, and there he was sitting in the flower bed.

A quick Google later and the outlook wasn't so bleak. By some miracle we hadn't bought the scary Buddha, we had bought the fat Buddha, an altogether more jolly soul, less hung up on life and less inclined to zap you with evil spirits at the earliest opportunity.

Nevertheless, he demands respect. So at 10pm there we were, placing Buddha on an upturned flowerpot, having positioned him towards the entrance to the house, facing the rising sun. And we rubbed his belly, which is essential.

Now he has his own boulder upon which to sit (we couldn't find a mountain). He seems happy. He gets a belly rub every time I'm passing, and he's got a nice view from his boulder. I can think of worse places for him so I'm sure he can too.

I can see a long and bright future ahead for us, and it looks like the flowers have perked up since he arrived, but it is spring so I'm not putting it all down to him.

I hope he doesn't mind having his picture taken.

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