Cat fight

First it was the badgers. They came in the dead of night and snuffled my lawn into pieces. I tried all solutions. Pee where they entered the garden, electronic countermeasures, which didn't work.

Then one day they stopped. It might have had something to do with the rose branch fence I erected or the fact they'd dug up all the worms. But one day the holes stopped appearing in my lawn.

That was last year. This year it's cats. They have been using our garden as a toilet ever since the big tom we christened Haggis stopped coming to visit. He lived a few doors down but it was clear from the outset that he regarded our garden as an extension of his manor, and there wasn't a cat in the neighbourhood that would dare set foot in it.

The power vacuum since he left is tangible, and now every cat seems to want a piece of our garden, mainly to use as a crapper, because as is well known, cats don't crap in their own back yards. They crap in ours, because we don't have a cat to defend it.

The only answer is to get a cat of our own, but to be honest I don't much care for the bird-eating felines. Trouble is, it's either that or their shite. There is another alternative. Maybe we should make the garden a haven for all cats. We'll leave food out for them, the place can become their lounge, or pub, or social club. Surely they wouldn't crap in their own social club?

But then we'd need a bouncer. Come back Haggis, all is forgiven.

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